How I met your mother_01x02_01

Today's pattern

1. You were telling us how you met mom.

2. So then what happened?

3. So you’re not goanna call her? / you gonna ask her out?

4. They just got engaged.

5. I’m in love with her.

6. I mean the most I can handle right now is something casual.

7. You waited five minutes to tell me that?

Narrator: Okay, where was I?

Daughter: You were telling us how you met mom.

Son: In excruciating detail…

Narrator: Right, so (While Flashbacks take place) back in 2005 when I was twenty-seven, my two best friends got engaged. And it got me thinking, “Maybe I should get married.” Then I saw… Robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That’s where your Uncle Barney came in.

Barney: I suggest we play a little game I like to call, “Have you Met Ted?”

Ted: No, no, no—we’re not playing “Have you Met Ted!”

Barney: (Taps Robin’s shoulder) Hi! Have you met Ted? (Leaves)

Narrator: So I asked her out, and I know this sounds crazy… but after just one date, I was in love with her, which made me say something stupid

Ted: I think I’m in love with you.

Robin: What?

[Cut to Year 2030]

Daughter: Oh, Dad.

Son: So then what happened?

Narrator: Nothing. I mean, I made a complete fool of myself. So… a week went by and I decided not to call her.

[Cut to Entering the Bar]

(As Marshell, Barney and Ted enter)

Marshall: So you’re not goanna call her? You went from, “I think I’m in love with you” to “I’m not gonna call her?”

Ted: I wasn’t in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract idea of getting married! That had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. (Finds Lily and Robin chatting at a table.) Robin!

Robin: Hey!

Lily: Look who I ran into!

Ted: Since when do you guys know each other?

Robin: Uh… since about (points to glass) here. Lily recognized me from the news and—(Lily and Marshall kiss) Hello, Sailor!

Ted: They just got engaged.

Robin: Well, I should get back to the station. See you guys. (Marshall raises a hand while still kissing Lily) Nice seeing you, Ted.

Ted: Yeah, you too. (Robin leaves, Barney walks closer) Damn it.

Lily: What?

Ted: I’m in love with her.

Barney: (hits him) No! As your sponsor I will not let you relapse. You blew it; it’s over—move on.

Ted: I don’t know! I just have this feeling. She’s the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.

(Lily Squeals)

Ted: Lily, you squeaked?

(Lily shakes her head)

Ted: She said something about me didn’t she? Come on, spill it, Red.

Lily: Fine!

[Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar]

Lily: So what do we think of Ted?

Robin: (laughs) Ted’s something else.

[Flashback ends]

Ted: Huh… I’m gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are “something”, I’m “something else”.

[Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar]

Robin: Comes on a little strong.

[Flashback ends]

Ted: But…that’s part of my charm.

[Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar]

Lily: But that’s part of his charm.

Robin: Oh, totally. I mean, he’s sweet, he’s charming, he’s just looking for something a little bit more serious than I am. I mean the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right?

Lily: Are you kidding? This flapper—for knocks.

[Flashback ends]

Lily: (shy) Oops…

Ted: She wants casual. Okay, I’ll be casual. I’m gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? Cause it’s a game! I wanted to skip to the end and do the “happily ever after” thing but you don’t get there unless you play the game.

Marshall: So’re you gonna ask her out?

Ted:  Yeah—No! I can’t ask her out, because if I ask her out I’m asking her out. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out? (thinks)

(Silence)

Lily: Did you guys get high?

Ted: I got it! I don’t ask her out… I invite her to our party next Friday.

Marshall: We’re having a party next Friday?

Ted: We are now—Casual

Barney: Yeah, cuz nothing says “Casual” like inviting a hundred people over just to “Mac” on one girl. Oh, and Lily—that’s my leg.

Lily: You waited five minutes to tell me that?

Marshall: Alright—so call her up!

Ted: No—calling’s not casual! I just gotta bump into her somewhere. If only I knew her schedule I could arrange a “chance” encounter.

Lily: that’s great, Ted. You’ll be the most “Casual” stalker ever.

(They laugh)