How I met your mother_01x02_02

Today's pattern

1. I have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on Monday,

 I barely started,

2. You’re all sweaty!

3. I’m going back home next weekend. It’s too bad it’s not tonight. 

4.  am I interrupting anything? 

5.  But may I suggest one little modification.

6.  do you know anyone at this party?

7. I got that roof reserved!

(The Apartment)

Narrator: Now ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger, Lily had been…well... extra affectionate.

Marshall: Baby, no. I have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on Monday, I barely started,

Lily: Hey, I’m just sitting here. Wearing my ring… my beautiful ring. Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don’t wanna wear my shirt anymore. Or… my underwear. Oh—that’s right—I’m not wearing any.

Marshall: (Closes laptop screen) No underwear?

Lily: Not slightly.

(Scene widens to show Ted is on the couch listening)

Ted: Guys, boundaries! There she is!

Robin: (on TV) Thanks Bill, I’m reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket on 75th in Columbus

Ted: 75th in Columbus. (Gets up and grabs coat) Game on! (Leaves)

[Cut to Razzle Dazzle Supermarket. Robin’s reporting on the news]

Robin: where four year old, Leroy Ellensburg, climbed inside a grab a prize machine (You see child stuck in toy machine) and gotten stuck.

[Cut to Ted running down the street]

[Cut to Razzle Dazzle Supermarket. Robin reporting on the news]

Robin: And on the pursuit of a stuffed purple giraffe. (Ted appears behind her, leaves nervously) From Metro News One, I’m Robin Scherbatsky. (News report ends)

(Ted re-enters running)

Cameraman: We’re clear

Robin: (To cameraman) Thanks. (Notices Ted) Ted?

Ted: (Turns around nonchalant) Robin, wow! What are the odds?

Robin: What are you doing here?

Ted: Oh, you know, just—uh—Shopping for—uh—dip (holds dip) I love dip… I mean I don’t love dip, I like dip. As a friend, you know. So—uh—hey, you—uh—reporting a news story or something? (puts dip back)

Robin: Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news.

Ted: Wow, kid in a crane machine (approached machine. To boy) You just had to have that toy didn’t ya? Couldn’t play the game like everyone else.

Leroy: You’re all sweaty!

Ted: Cute kid (wipes forehead) Um yeah it’s f—it’s so funny running into your we’re having a party next Friday if—if you like swinging by! But, you know, whatever.

Robin: Oh, I’m going back home next weekend. It’s too bad it’s not tonight.

Ted: (Shocked) It is, it’s tonight. This Friday, Did I say next Friday? Yeah—sorry—cuz I’ve been saying “next Friday” all week, but yeah it’s tonight. The—uh—party’s tonight. But, you know, whatever.

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Scene Three

(Marshall and Lily in bed after sex)

(Phone rings, Marshall answers)

Marshall: Hello?

Ted: (on Phone) hey, am I interrupting anything? (Holding party mixes)

Marshall: No, no I’m just writing my paper. Hitting the books.

Ted: (on Phone) Yeah, well you and Lily might wanna put some clothes on. We’re throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye (hangs up)

[Fade out]

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Scene Four

(The Party #1)

Marshall: So, Gatsby, what are you goanna do when Robin shows up?

Ted: Okay, I got it all planned out.

[Shows Fantasy “Plan” as Ted tells story]

Ted: She steps through the door, and where’s Ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. Nah I’m across the room at my drafting table showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff. So Robin strolls over and I casually give her one of these, “Hey, what’s up?” She says, “Hey, nice place” etcetera, etcetera. And then I say, “Well make yourself at home,” and I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later, “Oh, you’re still here?” I say like I don’t really care, but it’s a nice surprise. And then very casually, “Wanna see the roof?”

[Fantasy pauses]

Lily and Marshall: (Gloating) The roof.

Ted: Get her up to the roof and the roof takes care of the rest.

Barney: What’s so special about the roof?

Lily: Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can’t not fall in love on that roof.

Marshall: We do it up there sometimes.

Barney: Solid plan, my little friend.

Ted: We’re the same height.

Barney: But may I suggest one little modification.

[Fantasy Continues as Barney takes over]

Barney: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have sex with her! Crazy monkey-style.

Ted: That’s not the plan.

Barney: Should be the plan, I mean look at her. Ted, look at her. She’s smokin’!

Fantasy Girl: Thank you.

Ted: Yeah, but she’s not Robin.

[Fantasy Ends]

Barney: Exactly! Ted, let’s wrap. Statistic, at every New York party there’s always a girl who has no idea whose party she’s at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see—where I’m going—hu-with this?

Ted: Barney, I don’t wanna say—

Barney: Aargh! (Pulls down imaginary scope) Scoping, beep, scoping, beep!

Lily: Man you’re a dork.

Barney: beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it’s time we play a little game I like to call “Have You Met Ted?”

Ted: No, come on not this.

Barney: (taps woman)  Hi! Have you met Ted?

Tatiana: No.

Ted: Hi.

Tatiana: Hi.

Barney: Do you know Marshall? Lily?

Tatiana: No. (smiles)

Barney: Hmm, do you know anyone at this party?

Tatiana: I work with Carlos.

Barney: Excuse me, (to group) Anyone know a Carlos?

Ted: No.

Lily: No.

Barney: On a silver platter! Bon appetite!

Ted: I don’t think so.

Barney: Your loss, her gain. (To Tatiana) Excuse me, can I show you the roof? It’s magical up there!

Tatiana: Sure (Smiles)

Ted: Whoa-whoa—Hey hey. I got that roof reserved!

Barney: Dude, Robin’s not coming.