How I met your mother_01x01_02

Marshall: I promised Ted we wouldn’t do that.

Lily: Did you know there’s a pop tart under your fridge?

Marshall: No, but dibs. Where’s that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancé.

Lily: aww (claps. They kiss)

Marshall: I don’t know why I was so scared of this. Pretty easy right? (Pops cork, hit’s Lily’s eye)

Lily: (YELLS)

Marshall: (covers mouth) OH!

Ted: Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? This is crazy! I’m not ready to settle down.

Barney: (ignoring) how does Carl land a Lebanese girl?

Ted: It’s always been “don’t even think about it till you’re thirty”

Barney: Exactly—the guy doesn’t even own a suit!

Ted: Plus Marshall’s found the love of his life. Even if I was ready, which I’m not, but if I was it’s like, “Okay, I’m ready! Where is she?” (Spots Robin)

Narrator: and there she was.

[Fade out]

---------

 Scene Four

(The Bar—Focusing on Ted and Robin)

Narrator: It was like something from an old movie. Where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, “see that girl? I’m going to marry her someday”

Ted: Hey Barney, see that girl?

(Breif cut-out portion)

Barney: (to Robin) Hey, have you met Ted?

Robin: Let me guess, (points) Ted?

(Ted Nods)

--------

Scene Five

(Taxi on the way to hospital)

Marshall: I’m sorry, Lily. I’m so sorry. Take us to the hospital.

Cabdriver: Whoa, whoa, whoa—did you hit her?

(Laughter)

Lily: Hit me? Please, this guy could barely even spank me in bed for fun. He’s all like, (hits ice in bag using to cover eye) “Oh, did that hurt?” and I’m like, “Come on, let me have it you pansy!” (realizes) Wow, complete stranger.

Cabdriver: no, no, no, no—it’s okay, go on. (Turns meter on.) So these, spankin’s…you in pajamas or going “naturelle”

[Cut to bar with Robin]

Ted: So what do you do?

Robin: I’m a reporter for Metro News 1.

Ted: (nods) Oh.

Robin: Well, kind of a reporter. I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know. Like—um—monkey that can play the ukulele. I’m hoping to get some bigger stories soon.

Ted: Bigger like, uh, gorilla with an up-right bass? Sorry, you’re really pretty. (Robin laughs and waves to her friends) Oh, your friends don’t seem too happy.

Robin: Yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend so tonight every guy is… “The enemy”.

Ted: You know if you don’t make your friend feel better you could throw a drink at my face. I don’t mind.

Robin: She would love that! It does look fun in the movies.

Ted: Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?

Robin: Oh, I can’t. I’m going to Orlando for a week on Friday. Some guys attempting to make a big (cut) so my news is covering it.

Ted: That’s going to take a week?

Robin: Yeah, he’s going to eat it too, it’s another record.

Robin’s Dumped Friend: Hey, what’s taking so long?

Ted: Uh, I know this is a long shot, but how about tomorrow night?

Robin: (stops) Yeah, (agrees) What the hell (passes number to Ted. Throws drink on Ted’s face) JERK! (Walks away. Whispers) that was fun.

Barney: (comes back laughing) De—wait for it—nied! Denied!

Ted: We’re going out tomorrow night.

Barney: I thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night?

Ted: Yeah, I was never going to go play laser tag. (Wipes alcohol off his face)

------

Scene Six

(Bistro, Ted’s date with Robin. There’s a blue French horn showcased on the wall a table away from theirs.)

Narrator: The next night, I took her out to this little bistro in Brooklyn.

Robin: Wow that is one bad-ass blue French horn.

Ted: Yeah.

Robin: Mhmm.

Ted: Sort of looks like a… Smurf penis.

(Scene Freezes)

Narrator: Son, a piece of advice. When you go on a first date you really don’t wanna say “smurf penis”. Girls don’t ordinarily like that.

(Scene unfreezes. Robin spits her drink back into her glass. Laughs)

Narrator: But that was no ordinary girl.

[Cut to the Apartment]

(Lily and Marshall are sitting on the couch. Lily’s wearing an eye patch on her left eye and is totally unaware that Marshall is sitting bedside her because of the eye patch.)

Marshall: Lilly?

(Lily jolts)

Lily: How long have you been sitting there!? Stupid eye patch.

(Ted enters)

Ted: Mom, dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby! Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman?

Marshall: Oh let’s see (thinks) she likes dogs?

[Flashback to Date]

Robin:  I’ve got five dogs.

[Flashback over.]

Marshall: …she drinks scotch?

[Flashback to Date]

Robin: I love a scotch that’s old enough to order its own scotch.

[Flashback over.]

Marshall: Can quote obscure lines from “Ghostbusters”?

[Flashback to Date]

Robin: Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god you say, “Yes!”

[Flashback over.]

Ted: And I’m saving the best for last.

[Flashback to Date]

Robin: Do you want these? (Holding up remaining olives from her plate) I hate olives.

[Flashback over.]

Marshall: She hates olives! Awesome!

Lily: The olive theory.

[Flashback to Date]

Ted: The olive theory is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily. He hates olives, she loves them. In a weird way that’s what makes them such a great couple. A Perfect balance (eats olive).

Robin: You know, I’ve had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever.

Ted: (flirting) I can take them off your hands.

Robin: (flirting back) they’re all yours.